THE LETTER

Don't judge me until you read this entire entry. I think this might have been a set up.

The girl, apparently, is studying plants and stuff when she's not here. She's calls it Horticulture (not whoreticulture as I first thought and wondered how man and lady were going to take the news). Girl was looking for an internship and applied at a big fancy nursery that's about the size of New Hampshire and just as famous. One day THE LETTER arrived that said something like, "Dear Girl, We love you. We want you to be our intern. Please sign this letter that says You love us and will be our intern. Please return this letter quickly. Sincerely, Nursery Guy". Lady was so excited she called girl and told her she would send THE LETTER right away so she could sign it and send it back. Lady put THE LETTER in an envelope and stuck it in her purse laying next to her desk. She then ran out of the house and left me unattended and not in my kennel, (which is the part that makes me think this was set up).

Now, normally I'm not one to go rooting around in Lady's purse. It's usually void of anything I want or need, but today was different. THE LETTER smelled just right and I was immediately attracted to it. So I slipped it out of her purse, being sure to leave the electric bill untouched, and proceed to eat it. OH MY! THE LETTER was GOOD! The envelope was white with a little inky flavor, but the stationary Nursery Guy used was FABULOUS! Heavy stock, off white with a leafy watermark. He used printer and pen ink which created a favorable blend when combined with a nice quality bond. I had never tasted anything like it. The only bad taste was the self adhesive stamp the postal service uses now. It tasted bad so I left it on the carpet in the den so lady could use it again.

When lady returned you would've thought I'd killed Harry. She was really angry this time and Man was no where to be seen so I had no back up. I did what I always do in these uncomfortable situations. I headed right to my bed, curled up in a tiny ball with my nose tucked deep into the padding and looked up with just a hint of white showing on the lower half of my eyes. A very effective remedy and it worked one more time.

Luck was with me that day. Lady had made a copy of THE LETTER . She called the girl and told her what had happened. After she calmed down the girl, she copied the copy and sent it off. Problem solved. Girl gets internship. Dog lives another day.