Houston, We have a problem.

Did you know that when lady finishes her banana bread from Starbucks there are crumbs at the bottom of the bag? Did you know that my head fits in a Starbucks bag? Did you know my muzzle is not long enough to get to the crumbs in the bottom of a Starbucks bag? Did you know that it's very difficult to breath whilst your head is stuck in a Starbucks bag?

Happy New Year.....and don't stick your nose where it don't belong!

CarRBuNcLE!!!

Now, I don't have too much to brag about when it comes to my shape. I admit I'm carrying around a little extra in the middle - but who isn't? But now my best features are in trouble. A very large lump has been found on my left rear ankle!!! My once perfect thin legs are now marred!. MARRED!

I'm not sure what's causing this coyote ugly but it doesn't hurt and it doesn't limit my mobility. So could it be just a curse for all the bad things I've done? If would stop doing bad things would it go away? Well, I'm sure going to try. I can't be walking around the neighborhood with this "thing" on my ankle. Sheesh.

So here's to living life right!

for a while anyway - then it's a trip to see Dr. Tim to get this thing off!

Hello Gorgeous!

Have you seen the latest cover of Time Magazine? A photograph of the most beautiful beast EVER to walk this green earth. It's like looking in a mirror!!!!

As for the cover story.....Puh LEEEEEZE! What Animals Think? Really. Its THAT important so the editorial staff decided to put it on the cover.........my apologies to Elena Kagan.

What Animals think is simple:
When do I eat again?
Are you leaving for a long time?
Are you EVER coming back?
Can I sleep on the bed/sofa/LazyBoy?
Can I have a bite?
Can I have the whole thing?
Is that grill too hot to lick right now?
Have you seen my tennis ball?
Can I catch that cat?
Is that cat poo tasty?.....let me check...
Is it time for a walk?
Can I sit on your lap?
Will you scratch my tummy?
Why do I have this giant plastic cone around my neck, because I can't reach my bottom right now!
Can I ride in the car?
Can I sit in your lap while I ride in the car?

I'm sorry Time Magazine but you've just taken my blog and made it your own. I think you owe me a small royalty. Please send to Moosie Lynn, small black dog, Earth.

Thanks!

A good week is had by all......

'Tis true! I haven't committed any crimes against man nor beast for a week! I even ASKED to go to bed last night and led Lady to my crate, waited for my cookie and laid down. The big news around here is that Harry got a wading pool. I've included a picture or two for your review.

Of course my work on the back yard continues. As the summer progresses a lot of the grass goes dormant (since Lady and Man don't water the backyard for obvious reasons), so all that's left is "Eco-Lawn".

Eco-Lawn,for those of you not on the cutting edge of grass (hah, pun there!) is a mixed seed of grass and wildflowers that uses little water. Lady has been over seeding my yard for the past few years hoping that I would not like it as much. Lady is wrong. That Eco-Lawn is delish! It has these little violets with broad purple leaves and little pink english daisies. It's like a salad for Dogs, or at least dogs that eat lawns. If I ever happen to leave a few blossoms I'll have Lady take a picture for you. That chances of that happening are fairly slim, so don't hold your breath.

Lady is on her way out to get more seed today. I suppose she won't seed yet, but I'm sure I'll get fresh crop come this fall.

In the meantime... Bring on the Catalina Dressing! I'm going out back!

Mmmmmmmmmmm

Photo Shoot!

As you can see, I really put out for this shoot. I was posing like Victoria's Secret model and just as curvaceous. I really nailed that angry look you see on runway models too. Do not be surprised to see me in print soon!

Oh Sheesh! I am in print! Lady uses my image for one of the ads she produced. I guess I forgot because I never received any compensation. Clearly, I need a lawyer.

GaRBaGe DaY!

Woooooo HOOOOOO! Lady left good stuff in her garbage can under the desk! GOOOOOD STUUUUUUFFFFFF.

That's right, I did it. I tipped over the can and spread the glory all over the den. What did I find? A fruit snack package, a handful of almonds bag from Trader Joes, a napkin which required shredding, half of the gas bill, and some plastic from packaging she got from that big brown truck that stops by.

No food. But that's okay because the trick is to never give up. Even though she has never left food in that bin it doesn't mean it can't happen. Since I am an optimist, by nature, I always look at that bin - or any garbage bin - as "half full", (of food that is....).

Lady, of course, shouted at me "no-NO Moosie Lynn - no NO". But it doesn't work. no-NO never really works, never will. Oh, sure, it works on Harry. He hates to hear "no-NO". He gets all sad eyed and goes to mope on his bed. I just look at her with a smile on my face and my tail a-wagging. I'm a teflon dog. Nothing sticks.

Of course, this could have escalated into full blown punishment, but just like magic The Scottish Lady appeared to take a walk!

Thank Scottish Lady!

Watch this space

It seems Lady has run out of photographs of me. She's thinking of having a photo shoot one of these days to capture my joie d' vive, my essence, my free spirit, if you will.

The trouble with photograph is that I don't show up all the well. When you wear as much black as I do it's hard to see my darling expressions or the way my tail sits straight up. I tend to look like a black hole in the pics.

See the photo at the top of this post? That's not me. That's some fancy stock photo of a glamour dog that looks like me but has employed a talented and well equipped photographer. The little blue bone hanging off his collar is something I would never wear for two simple reasons:

1. I'm micro-chipped and I don't need no stink'in name tag!
2. I chew collars off. All collars -All the time - All my life


I"ve been chewing collars of me and Harry for 6 years. I'm not anti-collar, they just bug me. They bug me so much I can't even bear to see them on Harry, so I chew them off him too. I can do it pretty darn quickly too. It's a gift. I wear a fancy harness/vest when I walk. All that lunging takes it's toll on my windpipe so Lady found this high-tech vest that makes me feel fancy free when I'm out in public. Of course, I can't be off leash due to my poor judgement, but this space-age garment is pretty darn close.

I'll post the new shots as soon as Lady or Girl capture my good side.

Good Luck Ladies! Cheese!

ooooh cheeeeeeeeese.......

A Biting Confession

I bit The Blond.

They say the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. I'm not sure I'm ready to go there, but I clearly do have an issue which I should probably address.

Biting The Blond (or should I say alleged blond), was simply a case of miss placed frustration. You see The Blond travels with a Red Head. A big, happy, obedient, Red Head who really ticks me off with his cheerful, patient demeanor and liaise faire attitude. The Blond and The Red Head can really set me off!

The Blond had knee problems and was invited on our walk with Lady to loosen up the joint and gain a little strength. We were walking down the path towards my park when The Red Head looked at me ......and smiled. It was one of those schmarmy smiles some dogs get when they're happy or content. How could The Red Head be content? We were in a park for God's sake! Surrounded by all kinds of danger! There were Austraillian Cattle dogs laying low in the grass, Pomeranians coming out the woods, and mixed breeds (of a lesser nature than I) running along side their people! I needed to let The Red Head know we were on high alert so I lunged at him. Well, somewhere between me and The Red Head, The Blond's fingers got in the way and my nice little "Hey Buddy, (nip nip) look alive" turned into a river of blood gushing down The Blond's hands.

Hoo Boy, that was a tactical error on my part. I should have anticipated possible human contact in my trajectory towards The Red Head. I just didn't have time, nor a calculator. I was just as surprised as anyone to see what I had done and immediately felt regret. Regret, but not remorse. Regret, because in my attempt to alert Big Red I hurt The Blond and made Lady mad. Remorse? Not so much-not familiar with it.

All's well that ends well. The Blond found toilet paper in the restrooms at the park and fashioned a lovely white mitten around her fingers. We were able to complete our walk in relative calm and The Red Head has never walked with us again! The Blond has forgiven me and lets me curl up on her lap when ever she comes by for Margaritas! OLE!

25, no 12! Wonderful Things about ME!

1. Excellent Posture
2. Shiny Coat
3. Can chirp
4. I ride in cars well
5. Can tell time (5 am and 5pm)
6. I have straight teeth
7. I hop up on a bench so lady can easily put my harness on
8. Can catch food in mid-air
9. I no longer fit under the fence
10 .My ears flap like butterfly wings when I walk
11. I make a cute tap, tap, tap when I walk through the house
12. Will eat just about anything
13.
14.
15.

THE LETTER

Don't judge me until you read this entire entry. I think this might have been a set up.

The girl, apparently, is studying plants and stuff when she's not here. She's calls it Horticulture (not whoreticulture as I first thought and wondered how man and lady were going to take the news). Girl was looking for an internship and applied at a big fancy nursery that's about the size of New Hampshire and just as famous. One day THE LETTER arrived that said something like, "Dear Girl, We love you. We want you to be our intern. Please sign this letter that says You love us and will be our intern. Please return this letter quickly. Sincerely, Nursery Guy". Lady was so excited she called girl and told her she would send THE LETTER right away so she could sign it and send it back. Lady put THE LETTER in an envelope and stuck it in her purse laying next to her desk. She then ran out of the house and left me unattended and not in my kennel, (which is the part that makes me think this was set up).

Now, normally I'm not one to go rooting around in Lady's purse. It's usually void of anything I want or need, but today was different. THE LETTER smelled just right and I was immediately attracted to it. So I slipped it out of her purse, being sure to leave the electric bill untouched, and proceed to eat it. OH MY! THE LETTER was GOOD! The envelope was white with a little inky flavor, but the stationary Nursery Guy used was FABULOUS! Heavy stock, off white with a leafy watermark. He used printer and pen ink which created a favorable blend when combined with a nice quality bond. I had never tasted anything like it. The only bad taste was the self adhesive stamp the postal service uses now. It tasted bad so I left it on the carpet in the den so lady could use it again.

When lady returned you would've thought I'd killed Harry. She was really angry this time and Man was no where to be seen so I had no back up. I did what I always do in these uncomfortable situations. I headed right to my bed, curled up in a tiny ball with my nose tucked deep into the padding and looked up with just a hint of white showing on the lower half of my eyes. A very effective remedy and it worked one more time.

Luck was with me that day. Lady had made a copy of THE LETTER . She called the girl and told her what had happened. After she calmed down the girl, she copied the copy and sent it off. Problem solved. Girl gets internship. Dog lives another day.

Playing a little "catch-up" This Week.

This week I continued my quest to strip the back yard of all grass. It's going pretty well but I noticed man was trying to grow more. Silly man.

I bit my lady. That doesn't sound so good, but when you hear my side of things it makes perfect sense.

While walking on leash through my park I noticed a yellow lab looking at ducks in the river about 50 feet away. Not knowing if he was planning a covert operation to separate me from my lady and Harry, I decided to be pro-active and lunged at him, or rather what I thought was him, with a quick shark like motion. Turned out it was lady's thigh. She screamed, I got reprimanded, and that yellow-bellied lab wagged his tail.

Lady says she has a bruise and bite marks. I haven't seen them and you can't always trust the ladies.

Chewed the cover off of Harry's new tennis ball. That doesn't sound bad, but apparently Boxers has delicate digestive systems and once I tear the cover off the ball Harry then breaks up the rubber portion and ingests it. Tummy problems follow. I could eat a Dodge Dart and live to tell about it - and THAT is the reason mixed breeds are superior! (see Harry's pic - he's a handsome man isn't he?)

Ate a Dixon Ticonderoga Pencil. Again, doesn't seem that bad, except my man is a fanatic about his pencils, especially the Dixon Ticonderoga. All I can say is don't leave your favorite pencil sitting on the coffee table next to your project for all the world to see.

GOOD NEWS! That blueberry bush I chewed down to a stub two summer's ago produced TWO berries this year!

In my own defense:

My name is Moosie Lynn. I am a small black dog with a black history. I am starting this blog to salvage my image and in the event I am ever convicted of a crime, I will have this blog as proof that I am a mere pawn in the grand scheme of life.

I do something bad every day. Bad is a relative term. I believe my actions are well thought out and have purpose. My owners differ in their opinion of me and response to my actions. Lucky for me we have the "good cop/bad cop" thing going at my house so I generally get off pretty easy. I also have my "life partner" Harry G., a white boxer who you see in the background, who is so dang good and so dang smart he doesn't help my situation at all. In fact, my devotion to Harry is what gets me in trouble most days.

So here is my life, day to day, leaving nothing out. My True Confessions: